Sucking balls, the game sucks absolute fucking balls. Read on though
From Wikipedia
“Kane & Lynch: Dead Men is a game developed by IO Interactive for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and Windows. It is described as “a cooperative action game depicting a violent and chaotic journey of two men — a flawed mercenary and a medicated psychopath — and their brutal attitude towards right and wrong. Now, they must partner up as a mess of cash makes for hell on Earth.” It has been confirmed that Lionsgate has bought the rights for the movie adaptation.[1]“
First off, Lionsgate is fucking stupid, stop buying into video game franchises when you can simply appropriate the idea behind it and improve on the fundamental flaws in cheap 3rd person games on the console and PC.
Next up is the issue of Kane & Lynch, here comes the picky bitch aspect of things. We have been playing co-op gaming on the PC in 1st and 3rd person for quite some time, as such Kane & Lynch have to essentially cross the great wall without the help of David Copperfield, given that GoW has accomplished this well in the recent year and Army of Two looks to do the same, Kane & Lynch has stiff competition given a shallow plot and a boatload of advertising money to help pave the way to stardom.
Kane is a member of of an elite underground group performing merc hits around the world (yawn) upon his last job the mission goes to hell and his team dies, he goes on the run and gets captured. Lynch is a schizo pill popping murderer, already it sounds like a match made in heaven. During gameplay Kane is the lead character (Player 1) and the AI or (Player 2) ends up being Lynch, from there it’s typical squad based fighting, by this I mean letes find an existing model of calling the AI or other player to make military style attack patterns to accomplish a goal. Of course lets take this to an urban setting and make common firearms the standard methods of attack, nothing like seeing shotguns, rifles and SMG’s for the 9000th time.
The attack methods are nothing new, jumping behind walls, peaking around, blind firing and pretty much everything else we’re already used to. It’s great that Eidos was paying attention to routes for success in gaming over the past years, Kane & Lynch in the action department wraps up as a continued entertainment to those who loved GoW but got tired, those who enjoyed KillSwitch but wanted to go Next-Gen, those who played Hitman but wanted more or pretty much anything else.
Online play is brain numbing at times, given that in most online games you get some variety, in this title you don’t get that luxury unless you bust your balls until you reach number 1 or 2 in which case you get the piss poor reward of being Kane or Lynch depending on your rating. Otherwise you get stuck as henchman #1-9999999999999 for your gameplay, unless you die in which case during the round you end up as a cop chasing your killer / former allies.
The story itself is amazingly complex, the guys you thought died in your last job aren’t dead, they sprung you from your deathrow bus and assigned a pill popping fucktard as your watchdog, the point of all this? Because even though it looks like they died, they didn’t and now they want their money that got taken from the job. The bonus to Lynch for all this? He gets Kane’s spot in the 7. The rest of the story is simple, Kane goes in to get the cases and make it right, of course in this case one of the cases is gone and by the time you go to tell Lynch, he killed everybody. So it’s a case of stupidity and a pre-determined set of problems from the get go as you try to make things right. On top of this the game goes ahead to introduce strange crime bosses and other figures with few if any actual associations to the story, suddenly a past you didn’t even know about takes you on a wild goose chase to find the case only to end up getting Kane, his family and Lynch burned. What ensues after that is the typical revenge route to make The7 pay for the almost typical betrayal route.
For me the game was average at best, on top of that the aiming system was poor and the actual enjoyability was lacking.
Given that my options are COD4, UT3, Crysis, GoW (PC), TF2 and more, I’d rather play any of those, hell I’d rather play Clive Barkers Jericho and play through endless repeats of the same basic atmospheres with a retarded squad simply because watching them squirm and suffer on the ground would be more rewarding than this garbage.
Kane & Lynch: Dead Men makes my controller hurt because of how bad the game sucks. Eidos, stick to making Deus Ex 3 good, stop churning out shit games.
Well it’s been quite awhile since I have made my presence known here in the nation under PUD. I decided to show face and make all you queerbaits happy that your worst fear is still here making your life a living hell just for shits and giggles. I do apologize for the long long long break but fear not, Lord Poptart will demolish you and your families once again.
I really don’t know what happened with the upcoming new release of Life of a PK: 2 because pud is too busy ejaculating his kids into a sock. But I know he’s about finish with the god damn film and it will be released shortly, I promise. If not I will murder him and record in via webcam for all you faggot fucks to masturbate to. UO really hasn’t been first priority lately like it was in the past but I’m trying to log and steal your lewt as frequent as possible.
I must disperse but until next time, here’s a new update for all you myspace shitdicks. Make sure to check those friend requests! Party at Michael’s house, BYOB - Bring your own boy.
To sum it up, Prince is suing the internet as a whole. Luckily I dont have a symbol for faggot on here or I’d substitute the rest of my post with that instead of his name. The history here is that prince sues pirates, mothers, children and now sites poking fun at his likeness. Maybe he should sue dave chapelle for talking about him making pancakes for charlie murphy as well. I think any respect I had for that skit died when I read this shit.
On top of that they hired web sheriff to banter away at sites with DMCA notices on sites as if the webmaster can just go knock on the door of imageshack and be like “hey, take the shit down because I said so. No, I dont own the company, no you dont have to listen to me at all, oh ok I’ll kindly shut the fuck up now” GG web sheriff, your comprehension of the internet is amazing. Maybe I can call up your isp to have you kindly shut the fuck up.
It’s almost tempting to have a giant free for all of prince sucking cock pictures on pudnation, maybe a nice golden shower for him.
Prince should realize one thing, just because you were the shit 20 years ago does not mean that you’ll defy the ages and hold a reputation as the shit 20 years later. Little Red Corvette was the shit when I was rolling a DeLorean, it’s not fucking cool in 2007 / damn near 2008, take a hint from the rest of the artists, retire and stop embarassing yourself, consider yourself lucky that some kid would even want to listen to your shit these days. The same girl that was clubbing to you in 1987 is now at least 38 and more likely in her mid 40’s. I sure as hell dont find that sexy, I doubt most people do and yet you think they’d be so inclined to go take their chubby cup-cake heaving ass out of their recliner coated in bacon grease to go get your new album? I can only say this. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON PRINCE.
Anyway, enough gracing that faggot and his lapdog fucktard company with any more recognition.
Fuck off prince. Web Sheriff, go sodomize your pets.
There is a woman who orgasms 200 times a day. Riding a train, drying her hair, visiting pudnation.com, all send this woman into uncontrollable states of arrousal. Apparently there is some “disease” called PSAS or Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome. It is believed to be brought on by some psychological whatever. The point is she has endless orgasms and is actually tired of it.
Guys, things be a whole lot easier if all women had this syndrome… and were mute, am I right.
Did you know that the act of chewing gum is a major causes of intestinal gas? There is an entire article on Intestinal Gas and the prevention of it. The whole article is pretty funny.
I will say one thing about it, which generally applies to high res widescreen gaming, that much screen space is pretty lethal, in TF2 you basically have fucking wall eye vision seeing shit on the side of your head on top of your normal vision. In those moments where you go, how the fuck did he see me, if you check out that screen, its kinda easy to see how.
To all the large screen whores in FPS, I salute your wallets, fuck your monitors darknesses.
A young gamer punched his mother in the face after she attempted to interrupt his Halo 3 playtime. Apparently she asked him to stop playing and he, of course, refused. She then took his wireless adapter(smart mom) and hid it from him. He retaliated with a pride obliterating bitch slap, sending old mom into a frantic search for defense. Since dad is obviously busy out boozing and fraternizing with the local hookers, mom had to rely on the man. Yes the police showed up…. only to receive more pwnage by the almighty hand of the young gamer. (Word to the wise, don’t fuck with a kid and his game time.)
The kid is now in juvenile hall and most assuredly an example to be used in some future gaming=violence proposal.
So some kid admitted to accidently starting one of the fires which helped destroy over 2,100 homes in the San Diego area. He was detained and questioned, and then released to parent custody. This kid is lucky he lives in America, any other Country would had tried and killed him on the spot. (Possibly tried, raped, and then killed in the third worldiest of Countries)
I suspect the parents will inevitably be held responsible. Could you imagine receiving a court ordered bill for 90 million dollars because your idiot child doesn’t know match + brush + wind = oh shit. I can just picture 20 minutes into the fire little Timmy finally mustering up the where-with-all to inform his parents there is a charred wasteland where their backyard used to be. “BAD TIMMY MOMMY IS BUSY DOING HEROIN GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.”
Honestly these types of parents are just despicaple and deserve whatever fine/punishment they get.
If you live in the southern California you are well aware that it is indeed burning down. There have been something like 900 fires this past week and authorities are investigating possible arson cases. The funny part about that is, I think there have been 3 or so fatalities, but only two of those were fire related. One of those fatalities was indeed an arson suspect who was shot and killed after a pursuit by police. What a shitty ass state of emergency, no one is really dying, shit is just burning down. The one guy who did die was killed by police. Who cares. I try not to watch TV, but had i happened to walk by a TV this past week there was no doubt a fire on it. Who the fuck watches this shit 24/7. I mean do we honestly need up to date commentary from 50 different anchorpersons all repeating “Mixed with strong winds, a fire is bad and will possibly spread if not contained, i believe what we are watching are, yes, fireman attempting to contain this fire from spreading”
I did get to see a fire start right in front of my eyes yesterday on my lunch break. I was sitting there at jack n the box, eating my ciabatta burger, wishing there were more food alternatives than what i was currently regretting eating, when all of a sudden the mountain in front of me caught on fire. No lightning, no meteor, no me flicking a cigarette out my window, just poof, instant fire. It continued to burn through-out my lunch covering nearly the entire mountain side before i had finished my poorly made burger. (Fuck you Lake Elsinore Jack in the Box, show some fucking pride of work for gods sake) Anyhow I began to wonder what if this fire was started by an arsonist? Would he come seek refuge at Jack in the Box. I then began to size everyone up in the place and tried to single out any possible arson suspects. Everyone looked pretty average. Then it hit me, what if I looked like an arson suspect, and wondered if anyone else was sizing me up. Suddenly I decided my timing was too perfect, and began wondering if I had a good alibi. Moments later I fled the scene, fuck you coppers never catch me alive.
Anytime I run across these “How to decipher the internet” guides I always get a good laugh. Primarily because they exist only to instill fear into parents that every person on the internet is a pedophile waiting to Chris Hansen your 13 year old. I also think its funny that there are people out there who actually benefit from these guides. What is left to decipher from “OMGBBQWTF” that isn’t abundantly clear after just glancing over it for a few seconds. Even idiot cell phone ad’s portray that mothers know how to identify the acronym O M G. I mean instead of educating parents on how to read text message/IM slang, their needs to be more Yahoo guides encouraging parents to stop dressing their children up like little Britney Spears whores. If children were kept in line and just taught a little self respect, I doubt they would go wandering into chat rooms inquiring for cyber sex prior to losing their virginity in some abandoned warehouse to Here4thegrls43@hotmail.com.
Funny examples (Incase your too fucking lazy to click the link, or IYTFLTCTL)
-Pwn: to triumph, not actually an acronym, but rather a misspelling of own — (TO TRIUMPH)!!!!
-WTF: what the ****, alternatively Where’s The Food — (Haha Wheres the Food? what aol chatroom was i not in to miss this one.)
-YMMV: your mileage may vary — (Apparently rapists do a lot of their prowling in the Volkswagen forums)
-BBFD: big bad forum discussion — (????)
-HDOP: help delete online predators — (Are they suggesting an online predator uses an acronym which identifies himself as an online predator to his prey, to keep it a secret between him and his prey; how stupid are children these days anyhow)
You know, it’s really funny these days to see so many newbies on the P2P rush laying loyalty to the first thing that they find, it doesn’t matter if it’s Usenet, Kazaa, Gnutella, eDonkey, Bittorrent, FTP or whatever. It seems that back in the day there was a respect for those who really brought things out. If group a released Photoshop 4.0 with a working serial or keygen it was a big thing because they brought it first and they didn’t ask for shit. As years went on you had the re-packs, this being the group a release but with groups b, c and d also re-zipping the file claiming they brought it to you. This act was just stupid to the extreme, no one cares that you found something that everyone was going to find anyway and repacked it with your shit team on it, obviously nothing changed, so the actual credit goes to the group who did the work, not the fucktard who re-hosted it on fucking homestead.
These days though there’s a new breed going around, the groups and the focus changes, the MP3 scene used to rule the net for quite some time, because it was easy to access and fast for the bandwidth available, plus hosting was a bitch and drive space was no where near as expansive as it is now. These days we have the movie scene going on, people with cameras, connections and god knows what else putting their balls on the line to bring the latest rips in any form of the latest films, kind of like a daredevil move of “oh shit, this could end bad but lets see if I can pull it off and make it look decent” there’s a lot to consider with that and really it is their ass if they get busted, shit some girl got owned with her camera phone for recording like 10 seconds of the end of transformers, could you imagine the punishment for a full movie with a camcorder?
Anyway, the point is the scene is really sliced up these days, you see cam groups doing their thing and then you see other groups claiming to do the same work but they just piss on the original source with some video filters, brightness changes and other bullshit going “THIS IS A PROPER RIP” when in reality, no it’s fucking not, it’s the same rip with the same fatass getting up mid movie to take a shit that farts on his way out in what was supposed to be a moment of suspense. *no this is a fake fucking example pay attention*
Where did the originality go? Why did it become acceptable to have groups go “ok, the video is from a Russian team and the sound is from this rip 2 weeks ago and now this is a proper proper rip” what the fuck exactly happened in that moment in time of declaring that? Other than hey we did what most people with any digital authoring software could do if they wanted to, but we’ll attach our scene name to it and claim that we’re original when really we just stole some shit from people who almost had it right.
On top of that we have these new-gen idiots bitching about the scene, asking stupid questions about why the camera wasn’t steady, why the audio isn’t top quality, and then taking a dump on the scene going “the scene is shit, this faggot re-label, re-encode of a retail dvd from 2 years ago is the bomb, all hail this home-schooled fucktard” Yeah because I forgot every new release is easily available from the start in DVD form, yeah you get a VHS or DVD screener now and then if you don’t get caught or you’re really fucking lucky, but that’s not the norm, furthermore workprints are even less likely to appear and when they do you get the lovely green screen treat going “oh, well what the fuck happens here” but yet these idiots compare a release the day of the theatrical opening to a DVD rip and then go “fuck the scene”, I mean really is that the train of thought they have? Is that really the best they can process in their pea-brain. Even better is when it comes to retail DVD rips and I read these retards going on about what the big deal is between 5.1 audio and stereo low quality mp3 audio, then they go “well this file is smaller, fuck the scene all hail my faggot savior release guy”
Honestly, fuck your tiny heroes, go find their little boards and spam your praise there, don’t go elsewhere like a fucking retard and go “OMG I LOVE THIS DOUCHE, I GAWT HIS RELEASE OFF EDONKEY AND ITS HAWT” you know what? If you’re happy with some low quality re-encode then thats fucking fantastic, no one could be happier but most people don’t want idiots preaching their inferior quality findings to the world, people want it done right, they dont want 20 corners cut just for the sake of fitting it onto a single disc.
For those still too dense to get it, I’m ripping on these fags and their AXXO releases, when a new movie comes out the first fucking thing out of their mouths is “I’ll wait for the axxo release” or if someone produces an HD version in 720 or 1080 the first thing is “I think I’ll get the axxo instead” honestly, are these tools that stupid? Are they really trying to even imply that a shit job dvd format compressed video is on par with HD sourcing?
I think so and I think these idiots should learn to comprehend formats before they run their goddamn mouths.
Go slap yourselves for being such whores. axxo sucks my balls.
“In celebration of the 10th anniversary, EA is kicking off the “Return to Brittania” campaign, an amnesty program that welcomes former players to discover the gameplay and graphics upgrades implemented in Kingdom Reborn. Past subscribers in good standing will be able to play for free through October 9, 2007 by visiting www.uo.com/kingdomreborn/gamefiles, downloading Ultima Online Kingdom Reborn and logging in using their former account name and password.”
Its been 10 years since Ultima Online and I am amazed the game is still running. It’s a little sad that the game turned out to be such a disappointment after only 3 years of being around. How it managed to stay up for 7 more years is beyond me but there you go. I thought about downloading the new 3d client and logging in but decided it would be pretty disappointing. If any of you however decide to give it a try and find it to be amazing, do let me know.
Subscribe to RSS
